If there's a drug that I really need to take right now, let it be one of the most potent psychedelia drug to let me revisit how I should change my mindset toward happiness and life goals. Give me that LSD, for 'learning to slow down' acid to let this mind travels the joyful path, taking a trip through a simpler tunnel for all my train of thoughts to pass.
I thought I always taken care of myself better. But I was wrong. All the duties–both works or my personal projects–are carried far too much and it hit me down once again for the fourth time ever in my entire life. And this time, I no longer able to joke around. I can't even complain when I needed to be admitted again and had myself totally stranded in bed for days. It's like I am seeing a busy bee cracked down, and witnessing all plans tumble down before her eyes.
Publication mix schedule, scholarship application, sharing sessions, project kick-offs, initiatives, online courses, hang-outs, meet-ups, and other things I did for the past few months led me to one full plate of pressures. Pressures are cruel. Cruel enough to lit the acid to burn myself, cruel enough to shoot the body immune down to the ground. And too bad, some of the list above are even failed to launch due to the cramp deadline.
Sometime I ask myself on why I am being so hard on myself. That I have to escape days to be busy and think of other people instead of myself. I ask myself why can't I admit that I am tired and sad, even though I am accepted the way I am and people don't need me to proof anything. I know sometimes I am doing just fine, happy and grateful, but why can't I stay longer in that state of mind?
I am not a perfect person. In fact, I am far from the word itself. But I don't sit around and do nothing to be better. It's time to really drop things that I can't afford to achieve at the moment, because chances are coming back at the right time. As I wonder and ask for forgiveness, I think I would instruct myself to only do these two things from now on. Slow down and let go.
So here I am, after a week of being 'warned', typing down a reminder I often forget about knowing my limit. I just want to do it better this time, pulling myself one by one and get things done one step at a time. And for all the chances that are gone for now, I wish I could see you next year.
Buckle up for now. Steady and safe. Flying off to Singapore and Bangkok tonight for one last thing to cross off my to-do-list. Typhoid fever tricked me the whole week. Now it's time for a treat on design symposium to attend. Dear belly, please be jolly.
Remember to slow down, and just enjoy life.
Thanks for all the get-well-soon wishes.
I hope all is well with all of you.